Second Childhood – The Intangible Spirit

We live on this planet with flora, fauna, and organisms of all kinds. When history speaks of ‘plagues’ it represents imbalance. Currently in the middle of a frightening pandemic (COVID-19) we are keenly aware of the devastation an invisible micro-organism can unleash – so how can we regain balance and maintain our best health in the face of world-wide imbalance?

We begin to heal when we ask ourselves important questions that inspire observation. For example, have you noticed that there are some people who have insatiable curiosity about the world around them? This is the curiosity of a child, without the restrictions of having to ask an adult in the room for permission.

Those so blessed to live into their fifth decade and beyond are given an opportunity to embrace a ‘second childhood’ which, frankly, can be much better than the first. In the second childhood we have confidence, excitement at everything we have the power to venture out to experience, and a sense of independence. We marvel and wonder at miracles overlooked during our first childhood.

In the fifth decade of life we feel gratitude for the simple things; for the richness of each new day. Opportunity is our new companion. And though the COVID-19 pandemic does put limitations on activities and socializing in the way in which we’ve become familiar, even while safely at home, some people can’t quite embrace their second childhood – with or without the frightening pandemic. Why is that? Answer: their mind, body and/or spirit are imbalanced. They feel pain.

 When the human body lives long enough, it begins to show wear and tear (mind, body and spirit). As we focus on the ‘intangible spirit’, open-mindedness and curiosity come into focus.  We lean on familiarity – in people, places, and things, all of which bring comfort.

But what happens when what was once familiar appears the same, but behaves differently from what we thought we knew?

Reclaiming relationships falls under this category. We may notice that couples around us begin to grow apart – even after 20 or 30 years together.  Why might that be? As the body needs proper nourishment to maintain agility and efficiently functioning organ systems, so too do relationships require emotional nourishment to maintain vigor and mutual satisfaction.

Sometimes we change and grow apart from our partner; or, we wake up to realize that what we thought we had, never really existed at all. The COVID-19 crisis forces us to focus on spirituality to a greater degree. We may decide to ‘settle for’ rather than ‘strive to become’ or ‘to reclaim’ – a personal decision, and not to be taken lightly.

We ask ourselves if we’ve ever faulted younger couples for not giving their relationship a chance – so often hearing of break-ups within the first 10 years of life together. But who is the wiser person? The one who takes 30 years to wake up or out-grow dysfunction? Or the younger person who recognizes right off the bat that things won’t work out?  Neither is the wiser. The answer is: there is no single way to achieve happiness. Mutual satisfaction is a goal for most, though onlookers might not recognize the agreement. Mutual satisfaction is achieved in countless ways.

Not everyone wants to “work” on a relationship. For those couples, emotional ‘attachment’ is never an issue. Relating is less heavy, permitting those people to put energy into healing the world on different levels – whether it is an accountant or lawyer being available to clients over family, or a medical professional putting patients before homelife. Not every couple strikes a balance that is meaningful to outsiders. The important thing is that each individual in the relationship finds enough personal satisfaction to channel healing energy to the earth. If part of a ‘couple’ then whatever is mutually agreed upon is ‘correct’ for the union.

Problems arise only if the spirit isn’t fed in the way in which it needs to be nourished. If spiritually starved, the distress inevitably renders the physical body incapacitated by the time the person reaches the fifth decade of life. An unsettled spirit expresses itself in the form of anxiety – which is often accompanied by heart palpitations, unchecked adrenaline, too much cortisol, and digestive issues, to mention a few.

The unsettled spirit impacts the physical body as deeply as would a tangible injury, such as a fall from a high ladder, or auto accident. The body responds to the unsettled spirit as it responds to the physical accidents: with inflammation. Inflammation is the first step to healing. It calls attention to ‘the injury’. What becomes confusing is when inflammation goes unaddressed.

If your car’s dashboard flashed an engine check light, you would go to a mechanic. You would certainly NOT cover the light with masking tape and then set out on a 3,000 mile road trip. And yet, that is exactly how most people treat inflammation of the joints and gastrointestinal system (the gut). These ‘flashing lights’ continue to interfere with comfort, as well as absorption of necessary healing nutrients. And yet, the masking tape often used to ‘cover the symptoms up’ come in the form of over-the-counter liquids and pills (or worse: pharmaceuticals prescribed to block pain) before the diagnosis of root cause is made. Of course, if the mechanic examines under the hood and determines the engine is fine, but the light is at fault, but no replacement is available, the mechanic might indeed say “ignore the light for a while” and that would be fine. So if the primary healthcare provider determines the cause and states a liquid or pill could handle the symptom without further harming the body, wonderful. However, self-treating or accepting treatment of a symptom before the root cause is determined is often devastating to brain chemistry.

To effectively calm inflammation of the joints and gut, it is most helpful to begin by eliminating processed foods and anything that has the following words on the package: modified, partially hydrogenated, white flour, sugar, corn syrup, and artificial. We need to add to our daily diet organically grown produce – can be fresh or frozen; humanely raised, fed and killed poultry (Google: ShopWithYourHeart for brands that offer this); eggs from humanely raised hens; grass-fed beef, and dairy products from humanely raised cows. Foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids such as wild caught Alaskan salmon and black cod provide important lubrication to joints and anti-inflammatory nutrition to the gut. Probiotics (to be discussed with your healthcare provider as there are categories of organisms that may be important to avoid, depending on your body), and responsible exposure to the sun’s rays (for Vitamin D3 that the body manufactures in response). Speak with your healthcare provider or dermatologist for recommendations here as your body might require sunblock on certain areas for optimal safety.

Then, we consider additional steps. While nutritional intervention is of great value, there is more that we can do to regain spiritual strength. Your body is your business and your brain is the CEO. It communicates through whispers and shouts. Learning the language of your brain facilitates a meaningful internal relationship between and among you and your mind, body and spirit. Pain calls attention to a need. It is a helpful flag requesting investigation as to root-cause.

In order to address flags of pain, it is often valuable to tap into resources such as a life coach, therapist, yoga and/or tai chi instructor, and more. These professionals should be licensed and certified to be certain they have the most appropriate techniques to facilitate healing of the spirit through emotional as well as postural intervention.

This is your life and sacred journey. While in your body, add positive energy to the conversation you have with it on a daily basis so that everything it has to say is something you want to hear. Here’s to your best health and balance. ~ Dr. Nancy Iankowitz

      About the author: Dr. Nancy Iankowitz DNP, RN, FNP-BC is a board-certified family nurse practitioner, director of Holistic and Integrative Healing LLC (mission & vision: help you self-heal; no patient turned away based upon ability to pay), functional medicine provider, author of several books, and editor of medical and nursing articles in professional journals. www.driankowitz.com; driankowitz@yahoo.com.

Functional Medicine Embraces Prevention and Healing

 

The essence of Dr. Iankowitz’ approach to wellness is:

Logic, Prevention, Common Sense & Healing

Dr. Iankowitz sees the human body as a complex set of organ systems that are designed to self heal.  In the video below Dr. Iankowitz shares her views and approach to wellness.

 

1. We each have an innate ability to heal ourselves and others. Dr. Iankowitz offers a functional medical assessment, is respectful of your views, and works within whatever system and/or cultural background you feel will facilitate your healing.

2. People have unique relationships with whatever disease process they experience. When you request facilitated healing, it is important to determine how you perceive your  ‘illness’ or ‘condition.’  Once this is established,  your healing journey – guided by Dr. Iankowitz, begins.

3. If one has a secretly vested interest in holding on to a condition, this suggests the illness may be viewed by the patient as a friend. The response of the health practitioner must take the patient’s reality into account. Referrals are made to licensed, certified professionals including mental health, physical therapy, massage therapy, holistic optometry, herbal practitioners and more, upon patient request.

4. Patient perception governs the ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of treatment. Dr. Iankowitz embraces and appreciates that success is defined by your comfort with your health status. Your physical and emotional ease, freedom and joy are key factors in determining your personal ‘success’ in facilitated healing.

Each individual embodies a multi-cultural reality, and each encounter is unique and valid. While the conventional medical model works within the central portion of the bell shaped curve (suggesting that ‘the norm’ should apply to ‘all’), the functional medical model permits a ‘patient-centered’ approach (recognizing that each individual is unique). Dr. Iankowitz embraces an eclectic view, in accordance with values supported by the Nurse Practitioner model blended with the evidence-based practice of functional medicine.

 

Where Is “Home” For The Holidays? (Part 1) The Invitations

Holiday time emphasizes all that we have and all that we lack. It is a time of love and sharing. We solidify relationships, self reflect, and put effort and energy into beauty and joy.

Most focus on happiness and good cheer and, while everyone understands that the holiday spirit is dampened when we miss significant loved ones, too many fail to recognize the agony associated with other important, heart wrenching aspects of the season.

Silent Suffering

One example of silent suffering surfaces during the writing of guest lists. The question, “Should I invite my aunt?” may be followed by, “But my mom hates her”  OR  “I can’t wait to see her, but that will upset my dad!”

Another example of silent suffering surfaces when we receive an unwanted or ‘loaded’ invitation. For example, take this scenario: “We received the invitation from the Blah blahs, but I really don’t like the husband. Do we have to accept?”

Extending & receiving  invitations represent two examples of hidden energy sucking distractions that often complicate the spirit of celebration.

Mixed Messages Surrounding the Invitation

Home is where the heart feels safe. We naturally want to be where our mind, body and spirit feel peaceful, comfortable and relaxed. The unstated messages carried within an invitation range from “Do you feel safe with me?” to “I really don’t feel safe with you, but I’m compelled for another reason to extend this invitation.”

Thoughts surrounding acceptance range from, “Oh I can’t wait to catch up and see how they have been doing!” to “How much effort do I really want to put into being around these people?” or “How can I get out of this gracefully?” both paired with the thoughts about our level of comfort with respect to being honest about our feelings.

This might begin to address why accepting, rejecting and extending invitations may be so terribly complex for so many. ‘Social obligation’ is a powerful force and often imposes discomfort on those who prefer not to reveal lack of desire, lack of trust, and/or discomfort with the other party.

Uncomfortably Confused?

In reality, questions, comments and statements are open for interpretation. If the receiver is confused, clarification is sought – that is, if the receiver cares enough to ask. Failure to ask a question suggests any or all of the following on the part of the confused person:

  • Doesn’t want to reveal confusion
  • Doesn’t trust any answer that might be offered
  • Lacks interest in the answer
  • Hopes that lack of clarity will be able to be drawn upon later in an effort to avoid accepting responsibility for whatever the communication was

Redefinition of boundaries might be in order. If relationship goals are mutual, discussion includes honest, truthful clarification of expectations. When this is achieved, the positive energy bond grows stronger between the two who engage in this type of communication. Without clarification and open discussion, future invitations will likely be carefully examined before they are extended or accepted.   (See Part 2 for additional thoughts on this topic)

Living Your Dream May Begin With Getting Fired

Contact:  (917) 716-6802
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Have you mastered the art of LIFTING yourself up?  (Or are you better at BEATING yourself up?)
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Sometimes we buy into the negativity around us . . . and this is where we, in the nursing profession, need to devote time and energy.
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We need to maintain balance so that we can bring positive energy to the patients who invite us to join in their healing journey.  People ask our advice, and we need to see through a clear lens.
How can we do it?

There are answers all around us.  The teacher appears once the student is ready.  Have you considered tapping into your other strengths or even changing career focus?

Begin with self-reflection. Ask yourself:

  • What do I love?
  • Where do I enjoy spending my energy?
  • What type of rhythm (daily/weekly) do I REALLY want?
A story of my ‘failures’ . . . As I prepared to resign from a position that no longer suited my needs – is was fired . . . not once, but TWICE in my career.
My ‘happy thought’ became my letter of resignation.  I carried it with me for three weeks, planning to submit it – giving two weeks’ notice, when out of nowhere (it seemed to me) my ‘boss’ called me into the office and told me to leave.  Just leave.  I had patients on my schedule; in fact, one one was a follow-up from a surgical intervention.  The surgeon expected my assessment that very afternoon.
Upon my firing, I informed my boss of my schedule, asked for permission to see that patient, and respectfully requested that I be permitted to submit the letter of resignation I had been carrying around. My boss told me to ‘just accept being fired’ so I could collect unemployment (referred to as a ‘perk’ by that boss) – but I insisted that I preferred to resign as I had intended to do for weeks. I was then permitted to see only the post-surgical patient, but was not permitted to touch the computer. Notes were hand written at that organization, so that was not an issue.
I found it interesting that my immediate supervisor was as shocked as was I – the ‘firing’ was apparently equally surprising to both of us. Bottom line here:  the vibe leading up to that moment was hard for me to ignore – although my immediate supervisor, with whom I got along famously, seemed to miss it. Lesson:  trust your instincts.
That was firing #1 and I bless that situation for it inspired me to explore talents I didn’t know I had.  Fast forward to firing #2. Having mastered the art of following my gut, honoring my intuitive need to distance myself from vibes that distract from balance, I recovered from the second firing  by exploring what had been – to that point, previously untapped talents. I became motivated to fulfill even more dreams that, up to that moment, I believed were limited to my imagination.  Well, they became my new reality.
What’s the message here?  For every stone or boulder along the road, though your spiritual ankle might become twisted or you might otherwise feel knocked off balance, there is a new exercise to learn, or maybe even a new path to travel.
Life is a journey.  We need to be fulfilled personally and professionally in order to maintain balance of mind, body and spirit. I was honored to be invited to share a few pieces of my adventure with Elizabeth Scala on her podcast (below).  I hope it helps to inspire you.  If it does, it will make the difficulties I endured more meaningful to me, as there MUST be a bigger reason for my disappointments than just discovering my own light.  Here’s to YOU discovering YOURS.
Check out my new episode on the #YourNextShift podcast with @ElizabethScala!

 #Nursing Career Advice in a Fun & Upbeat Way!

It is also available via iTunes, and can be accessed there for free. You are welcome to download the free episode from the iTunes store and invited to leave some comments/reviews. The iTunes store link is https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1025968665.

Loneliness Is Contagious But You Don’t Have to Catch It

Some people aren’t even aware that ‘loneliness’ is at the root of their issues with weight, lack of motivation, depression and self-destruction.

People who are self destructive 

  • punish themselves for negative internal dialogue
  • hide from whatever reminds them they are not true to their own spirit
  • are often confused about how to be truly joyful
  • live in a way that is not open
  • actively hide from themselves – although they appear to be rejecting others
  • are generally not receptive to thoughts or ideas of others
  • either avoid contact with people OR  ‘over surround’ themselves with stimulation (i.e. social interactions mainly on surface levels – lacking depth of conversation)
  • participate in social circles with strict boundaries – permitting only those who won’t question or ‘rock the boat’ into their space
  • trust nobody

Loneliness is an internal experience – and is maintained when one perpetuates the villain/victim/savior scenario.

When the circle of friends is overwhelmingly made up of people to whom the individual feels either indebted OR superior, there is a red flag that self-esteem issues are at hand. People who have difficulty establishing professional boundaries are often doing themselves and their ‘clients’ a disservice.

If a person you care deeply for seems to fit any description here, recommending mental health support may or may not be appreciated – but it is worth a try.  Stay available, don’t take that person’s neglect of your friendship personally, and recognize that he or she is doing the best that she or he can.

The best you may be able to do is to wait patiently. For YOU it is important to avoid getting sucked into the toxic triangle that this type of person inevitably tries to pull you into.  Maintain your balance, minimize contact (if the person refuses mental health support) and remain available in case that person ‘awakens’ from the self-destructive patterns of behavior.

Click here to read more on this topic of loneliness and how to safely dissolve it.

Click here for a wonderful TED video.

The Mind/ Body/ Spirit Connection and Internal Communication To Facilitate Balance

Contact:  (917) 716-6802    By Appointment Only

The mind, body and spirit convey powerful messages through an intricate and very delicate communication system. The network includes, comfort, discomfort, anxiety, pain, fever and a host of other experiences that enrich life.

Some people carry anxiety in their necks or backs; that is, when we have a back pain, it might represent a structural issue (a trip to the chiropractor for diagnosis and treatment might help), OR indicate emotional tension, poor posture at the computer or dinner table, or might even be signaling a problem stemming from an internal organ (a trip to the doctor might be in order).  How can YOU tell what your own body is trying to express?

Click here to read about how the body communicates, how we can learn to listen, and what we can do to answer the call.

There Is A Cure – But You Must First Recognize The Condition

“Gas lighting” is just a symptom. It signals there may be a disorder which, once identified, may be treated.

If you read this far you might be wondering about a name or diagnosis that can dissolve the ‘problem’ – and that curiosity is healthy.  It suggests that you are interested in taking control – even if it is frightening to even entertain a thought that maybe you or a dearly adored loved one is afflicted.  There are tips to help, and resources to guide. Read on.

It began when your son married a woman who refused to permit him to call you.  (If so, click here) or maybe your brother now insists he can’t talk to you or even mention your name to his new wife because she is jealous, private or painfully shy. In fact, that is the reason offered for why they broke their plans on New Year’s Eve or couldn’t make it – at the last minute, to the family gathering.

It began as little hints that became clear only in retrospect. (Click here for additional information). As you review the pattern, you realize that the first step was: isolation and alienation of family members who asked too many questions.

Point: Until family members learn how to effectively help the afflicted member, they  typically tread very quietly and carefully around that person, don’t seek clarification, insist that nobody ‘rock the boat’ and basically behave as if they are prisoners in their own home.

In your case, you realize that, when invited to your home, they showed up late – more and more often until someone from that family was elected to ultimately call to cancel visits altogether. When asked about what happened, the elected representative offered what you now recognize to have been lies. (Click here for tools that may help).

For the next few years, that part of the family made only ‘social obligation’ appearances, then fabricated reasons why they couldn’t get together with the rest of the family at all.  They may have even gone out of their way to fill time slots during upcoming holidays or anticipated birthday or graduation events. They might have even offered to work special holidays or overtime, just so their excuse would be valid. Click here if you were no longer considered ‘nuclear family’ because you refused to walk on eggshells.

Your situation may have progressed to their refusal to accept phone calls, or they may ignore emails. You may believe they hope you just stop trying. You love them unconditionally, and may begin to think you did something wrong. Unfortunately, without the proper perspective and tools, if you reach out to try to find out what you did, the effort might not be fruitful. You might even be faulted for reaching out too much.

Perhaps this was the pattern, or perhaps you are experiencing pieces of it now.  Do you believe you might be in the middle of this nightmare?  If so,  help is available. You have already taken the first step:  recognition and questioning . . . read on. (Click here for advice on how to help a person suffering with this disorder).

This unfortunate scenario is a result of: Borderline Personality Disorder. Almost every family I know has at least one person with an extreme personality issue either in this or a related  category and, while we all experience occasional traits here and there, those afflicted with this particular disorder successfully surround themselves with enablers who sadly – even if well meaning, often become consumed by the toxicity.  The men in the lives of women suffering with BPD are traumatized and abused (as was indicated by a previous link).

Again, while we all relate to aspects of the villain/ victim/ savior scenario a few scattered times throughout our lifetime, people who suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) function within this scenario as a daily routine.  It defines them and they default to defining others by it. They see the world through this distorted lens 100% of the time.

To those afflicted with BPD, every person must be placed in the role of either villain or savior while the one with BPD remains ‘victim’ – with an occasional redefinition to the ‘savior’ role, when absolutely necessary; for example, in the case wherein an enabler becomes a ‘victim’ during times of illness, accident or job-related difficulties, the person with BPD can become the ‘savior’.  While in this role, however, as ‘savior’ of the newly assigned ‘victim’ the person with BPD finds a way to reclaim the role of victim to those with whom communication is  secretly maintained. The person with BPD often states how difficult it is to care for or about the one recovering from injury or illness.  After all, the enabler was supposed to be the savior.  Now what?

Clues that help you figure out if you or other family members or friends are enabling the behavior:  enablers are the people who ‘excuse’ the one who has this disorder with labels such as ‘private’ and ‘shy’ – defending the ill person’s continued efforts to isolate, alienate, ignore & offend others.

Toxicity trumps all. If an enabler becomes injured or ill, that person has an interesting set of new circumstances to deal with. Click here to read more about that dynamic.  It is not uncommon for the enabler to become emotionally exhausted. If this happens, the enabler might refer to outside sources as ‘the villain’ so that the enabler and the one suffering with BPD can ‘unite’ against the common enemy as joint victims/ saviors.

The good news is that BPD can be successfully addressed, treated and maybe even cured by a skilled mental health professional, but only if the ‘patient’  is willing,  and has LOTS of family support and cooperation to set healthy boundaries. The supportive people learn how to not give in to unreasonable demands or tantrums by providing a gentle, consistent, reassuring and firm environment.  Family members can indeed help facilitate healing if they are willing and able to learn to accurately and non-judgmentally reflect the patient back to him/her self.

The sad news is, unless there are family members who are seriously dedicated to helping to heal this disorder, it can become a quicksand of toxicity capable of driving other family members to the brink of nervous breakdown.

Q: How do you know when you need to seek help so you can heal?

A: When it takes over aspects of your life, interfering with family gatherings etc., you need to pay close attention.

As  indicated above, we ALL have bits & pieces of many personality traits. The issue becomes apparent when isolation, alienation, teaming up, pitting against, splitting apart, turning others against, etc., are accompanied by that toxic villain/ victim/ savior (“us against them” or “me against you”) scenario, and when it is so deeply experienced that it breaks relationships apart.

Read more about how to help yourself and loved ones so that you can reclaim joy, comfort, peace and love:

Resource for help with BPD

How can I stop enabling this behavior?

Old Tapes That Need Review

Is Your Adult Child Borderline?

Here’s to your health, happiness, healing and balance of your mind, body and spirit.

Three Simple Steps To Write Your Own Life Script

Step #1  Identify what gives you joy & what blocks your joy

Step #2  Self-reflect honesty to discover your true potential

Step #3  Decide where you want to put your energy

Keep in mind that there are distractions along your journey to writing your own life script but YOU are in charge of the story.  It is the story of YOUR life.

Recognize that finding your center permits the Universe to channel wisdom that you already have inside of you.  Survival mechanisms are in place to save your life which, if misused, threaten your inner balance.  One example is described below:

Fight/flight vs. Meditation. While the fight/flight response helps protect us from physical danger, the meditative response protects us from spiritual attack.  Think about it.

The fight/flight response distracts from internal healing and resolution. It is as inappropriate a response to a bad mood as would be sitting in a lotus position in deep meditation on a train track when there is an oncoming train speeding in your direction.

Once you identify Steps #1-3, recognize that the secret to YOUR fulfillment is within you. Click here  for the LinkedIn version of a road map to tap into your wisdom and joy.

Namaste and continued blessings along your journey.

How To Earn and Build Trust with Loved Ones


 

You mean well. Your intentions are sincere, and yet they may undercut trust or pave the way to a ‘salt-on-wound’ experience for you as well as for the unprepared recipient.

Always honor questions as effort on the part of the other person to seek clarification.  When the assumption is that the other person is deliberately trying to trick, trap, distract or otherwise ‘set you up’, trust is missing. Missing trust suggests one or both of these:  (1) either YOU can’t be trusted (thus, you trust nobody ever) and/or (2) the other person can’t or shouldn’t be trusted.

Understanding comes from minds meeting.  In order to be on the same page with another person, thoughts need to be shared. Trust comes from a feeling of safety – but sometimes people settle for ‘predictability’ . . . even if what is ‘predicted’ is uncomfortable.  (This suggests a ‘don’t-rock-the-boat’ relationship which leans towards ‘handling’ and ‘tolerating’ rather than sharing trust.  Read more by clicking here).

Another ‘trust-busting’ point to keep in mind:  ‘just’, ‘simple’ and ‘simply’   are three words which, if carelessly placed, may devastate a listener or poison a budding friendship by undercutting trust.

Sounds ridiculous?  Read on . . .

Depending on your timing as well as the status of your relationship, emotional development of the individual to whom your ideas are addressed, and/or the situation, these are the first of a long list of words which, if used carelessly, tend to ‘make less of’ the efforts of another OR, possibly may indicate that the other ‘should’ have understood/ made connections/ followed your line of thought etc.  This attitude can poison a well or devastate a raw or sensitive listener – especially if that person is currently going through a traumatic healing experience (and more people than you might imagine are. Read more here).

If you belittle the prospective friend when that person seeks clarification, what does this really say about YOU?  The one who belittles another often uses words, vibration, glances, posture, actions etc. to establish power ‘over’ the other in the relationship.  This ego-driven individual is not ready for a trusting relationship.

How does this behavior impact the prospective friendship? Abuse of boundaries and words undercuts trust. The relationship may dissolve or continue to be built on a foundation of distrust – which includes defensive, thick boundaries and heavily guarded walls of self-protection.

Have you ever said or heard the following: “But I’m just trying to ‘help’ you gain perspective. I try to comfort you by saying, ‘Just move on’  . . .”   OR  “I try to make you the best you can be so I . . . ”

WRONG APPROACH.

After several years of having earned trust we cut more slack, take chances, make allowances for, and often overlook poor choices made by loved ones. When building a new relationship, we have no shared history to lean on. Trust must be earned. A feeling of safety develops over time.

There are indeed people who seem so well adjusted that poor word choices, errors we make and even traumatic life events didn’t / don’t seem to shake them. The ‘unshakable’ person might be truly centered (a state of balance worth striving for) OR might be so uncaring and well defended/ self-protective that nothing actually penetrates. Click here to read about signs/signals of emotional unavailability. The vibration reveals the reality. Click here to read about how to manifest a healthy relationship.  Trust your inner wisdom. Click here to read about how to earn your own trust through self-care and sharpening of time management skills.

When life deals a difficult blow, the centered individual usually has a sense of self-esteem and well developed sense of purpose, trusted support systems in place, is able to intuitively tap into internal wisdom for guidance, and seems to know just how to ‘float’ until the waters are either safer to swim OR the individual beaches on a safe shore.

For this healthy and centered individual, another person might not need to be so careful about words, tone, body posture or any other forms of communication during a casual acquaintanceship; however, if interested in earning that individual’s trust, building and/or mending a relationship, rules do change a bit.  To build a healthy relationship, there are key rules to follow: safe boundaries need to be drawn and respected, and clarification needs to be offered and sought – freely, without judgment.

Developing adolescents, (or adults ‘arrested’ in the adolescent stage of development – details click here), need to be treated with utmost care so as not to trample on the delicate development of self. To the young child, teen or developing adolescent, (or to an individual stuck at that stage of development) the wise intervention would not ever include statements such as: “You will just have to get over it”   OR   “Simply get through it the best way you can.”

There is no “JUST” and nothing is “SIMPLE” for the developing adolescent.

Before the personality is solidly formed (may be as early as 18 or as late as 25, when the brain slows down its mapping)  the only approach would be to help the individual get THROUGH the devastating life altering blow by offering coping tools that guide and enlighten through perspective.

Keep in mind that trust, support and unconditional love are necessary in order to facilitate a healthy and healing journey.

When an otherwise centered, mature, well adjusted person feels mistreated on any level – verbally or through the intangible vibration, this link might offer hints and tips to cope:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/joy-feeling-too-nancy-iankowitz-dnp-rn-aprn-fnp-bc

Paying attention with an open mind, open eyes, listening ears and closed mouth is a skill worth mastering.  Right up there at the top of the list of how to build a safe and trusting relationship: avoid ‘multi-tasking’ when engaged in conversations with those with whom you want to nourish, feed and share love. Click here for additional thoughts on this topic.

Here’s to your healing adventure!  ~Dr. Iankowitz

The Mind Is More Powerful Than Most People Realize

Contact:  (917) 716-6802

Even conventional medical practitioners recognize the strength of the intangible ‘mind’.  Just look at the placebo effect.  What was once believed to be ‘coincidence’ is now understood to be a useful tool . . . and the term ‘imagination’ is gaining new respect.

Once technology catches up with intuitive knowing, we will have means by which to satisfy all wellness professionals with  overflowing confirmation using  ‘evidence-based data’ to support what many, but not all, know to be truth.  At this point we have kirlian photography  and recognition of energy fields, Reiki,  and a wide range of holistic healing approaches that western medicine is beginning to embrace. Until we do have ‘hard evidence’ measured by scientific rules defined by our society, there is nothing to stop anyone from tapping into personal, internal power.  Begin here:

Creative visualization and imagery in health

For additional techniques, hints and tips, Holistic and Integrative Healing LLC is available. Dr. Iankowitz can facilitate your healing process by supporting and guiding you throughout your healing journey. She can work with or help you create a team of professionals, at your request.  Dr. Iankowitz can be reached (917) 716-6802 for consultation, by appointment only, so call in advance.