Some people aren’t even aware that ‘loneliness’ is at the root of their issues with weight, lack of motivation, depression and self-destruction.
People who are self destructive
- punish themselves for negative internal dialogue
- hide from whatever reminds them they are not true to their own spirit
- are often confused about how to be truly joyful
- live in a way that is not open
- actively hide from themselves – although they appear to be rejecting others
- are generally not receptive to thoughts or ideas of others
- either avoid contact with people OR ‘over surround’ themselves with stimulation (i.e. social interactions mainly on surface levels – lacking depth of conversation)
- participate in social circles with strict boundaries – permitting only those who won’t question or ‘rock the boat’ into their space
- trust nobody
Loneliness is an internal experience – and is maintained when one perpetuates the villain/victim/savior scenario.
When the circle of friends is overwhelmingly made up of people to whom the individual feels either indebted OR superior, there is a red flag that self-esteem issues are at hand. People who have difficulty establishing professional boundaries are often doing themselves and their ‘clients’ a disservice.
If a person you care deeply for seems to fit any description here, recommending mental health support may or may not be appreciated – but it is worth a try. Stay available, don’t take that person’s neglect of your friendship personally, and recognize that he or she is doing the best that she or he can.
The best you may be able to do is to wait patiently. For YOU it is important to avoid getting sucked into the toxic triangle that this type of person inevitably tries to pull you into. Maintain your balance, minimize contact (if the person refuses mental health support) and remain available in case that person ‘awakens’ from the self-destructive patterns of behavior.
Click here to read more on this topic of loneliness and how to safely dissolve it.
Click here for a wonderful TED video.
Dr. Nancy Iankowitz DNP, RN, FNP-BC 