You have the MOST power in the scenario entitled: YOUR LIFE. Mindfulness is born of wisdom collected throughout a lifetime of experiences. It facilitates balance when we choose to embrace the control we have over our perceptions, as well as the decisions upon which actions are based.
You are talented, strong, deserving of respect and YOU have the spark of the divine in you. Everyone does. Tapping into your inner wisdom is a gift you deserve to enjoy. You have begun this healthy journey to inner truth and awakening of your joy on many occasions. It takes inspiration to begin – and dedication to continue . . .
Mastering the art of separating reality from illusion, spotting that which robs you of inner bliss by throwing you off balance is key. “Illusion” crafted by what? By whom? Does it matter? No. What matters is the recognition that the illusions have power only to tempt – but not to make anything happen without your permission.
Lies are recorded in childhood, and replayed into adulthood when old tapes run. This sad fact masks truth and distracts from healing. The good news is that it is possible to take back control. We begin by honest self-reflection; by asking questions in heartfelt search of truth.
Have you ever said or felt, “I carry a feeling of emptiness that stems from frustration related to feelings of abandonment as a child. I am a victim of . . . . ”
Guess what? We are all victims of something at some point in time.
If your parents were absent, abusive, alcoholic . . . you felt it. Even if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, perhaps the father figure in your life had no time to review your report card when your childhood tapes were running. He didn’t see the ‘A’ in penmanship. You missed the loving glances that everyone else saw your mother cast upon you, but you felt the harsh words of “you shouldn’t have” or “should have” . . . when your tapes were running. It all feeds personal pain.
The greatest distraction to us, as we try to climb out of the toxic pit we were (or perceive we were) raised in, is believing the lie: “I deserve to be miserable.”
You might be leading a life of self abuse, filled with disastrous decisions on the emotional, physical and/or spiritual level.
Here’s the disconnect: Part of you truly believes you deserved the poor treatment during childhood . . . and this part of you believes you got what you deserved; thus, you justify by perpetuating it. BUT the HEALTHY part of you KNOWS you deserve better . . . and THAT is the part that is upset by what your history continues to dictate to you.
The healthy inner wisdom is upset about the LIES your whispering angels spiritually recognize need to be corrected – though your ‘unhealthy self’ continues to buy into them and perpetuate as if they are truth. It is THIS DISCONNECT that is driving you nuts.
Here are two lies that distract from healing:
- “I deserved to be neglected so I was justly neglected in my youth.” LIE
- “The treatment and my ‘deserving’ of the treatment is valid.” LIE
Something doesn’t add up. You know intuitively you did NOT deserve mistreatment, feeling neglected or ignored. Now what?
THIS IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS WAKING UP TO TRUTH. Namaste.
Begin the healing journey. We are told: simply forgive the offender(s). But we feel intuitively that it’s not that easy. WHY NOT?
It is not easy to grant forgiveness because of the second greatest distraction, which occurs when we believe the next biggest lie, “If I forgive that person then I am stating I agree I deserved it.”
What forgiveness does NOT do: Forgiveness does not relinquish the other person from responsibility. It does not state, “I agree I deserved it. You are off the hook.”
Forgiveness is NOTHING more than making a personal decision to not carry the other person’s baggage for the rest of your life. Period.
Forgiveness is agreeing that you deserve better.
Q: How do I begin to forgive? A: Recognize that the other person(s) did his or her best (as awful and maladjusted as it may have been) given the dysfunction they themselves were raised in – given their own inability to get out from under their own garbage. Truly recognize that he/she/they
- never read this article
- didn’t have a healthy mentor
- were likely more lost and alone than you’ve ever been
So, the next time that old tape is played, review it with eyes and ears open to truth:
“That was done to me by (the person) who was too unskilled, lacking in tools and/or, was ignorant or mean etc. because of his/her own neglected background and/or baggage, out of his or her own historical garbage and I am okay today.”
- I deserved better: TRUE
- I didn’t get what I deserved: TRUE
- Okay, well now it is MY turn to give it to myself because I deserve better: TRUE
Does this mean you need to go out and take advantage of someone else? Come on – you know better than that. Really.
While it is true that those who take advantage of others, step on others – you know the drill, are people who feel lacking and deserving because of their own unresolved baggage, self-recognition sets you free from this trap. So, giving to yourself does NOT mean taking from another; but rather, giving to yourself is enhanced by giving to and doing for others.
The truth is, the more energy you healthfully invest in freeing yourself, the more joy you can filter out to others, and the more fulfillment and joy you can embrace with each waking moment.
Let’s face it, you are basically the most powerful one in this scenario since very few people have a caring or concerned parent who is willing to sift through every detail of the scarred childhood they inflicted, while listening to a raging, angry, venting adult child who repeats: “You did this to me!”
The fact is, not many adult children have the gift of parents who say, “You are right. I messed up. My downfall and I own it. Please treat yourself better than I treated you. Try to get past and out from under the examples I set. Please break the patterns of my life, your past, that are toxic to you now.” If you have parents who say these things, you are truly blessed.
When we aren’t lucky enough to have figures from our past to help free us, it is up to us to make the decision to make today the beginning of a new life.
It is up to you to recreate your own balanced life based on healthy choices going forward. You begin by owning your own life. Keep the beautiful lessons that fill your spirit. Embrace the truth and let go of the lies. Turn your back on the distractions by freeing yourself of other people’s baggage. Live in truth and get to know your next best friend: GRATITUDE . . . for all you have and all you lack – as together these build a rich life filled with lessons that you can pass along to help others free themselves. Pay it forward – today.
About the Author: Dr. Iankowitz is an ANCC board certified advanced practice nurse, Director of Holistic and Integrative Healing LLC, a certified Reiki practitioner, editor and author of several articles and books, and founder of Universe’Secretary.
Other LinkedIn posts by Dr. Iankowitz that you might enjoy:
- Can You Make a Home, a Living and a Life?
- Your Adult Child Seems Lost; How Can You Help?
- The Illusion of Trust; Building Healthy Relationships